How long does it take to grieve over someone? A few weeks, a few months, a few years? You can never put a finger to that, can you? And how do you even start saying goodbye when you don't even know when that someone would leave you forever? Would you hang on to try to keep him safe from whatever's coming? But that's just stating the impossible because you don't know when he'd be gone. How do you deal with someone's death? I thought I'd be able to deal with it because this is definitely not the first time. At first I felt numb. Then the anguish crashed into me with no warning whatsoever. I didn't cry, I refused to cry. But that was before I saw him with my own eyes.

We were mildly arguing about something. I told him not to ride back home if he's sleepy. He nonchalantly told me that he'd rode back home with his eyes literally closed before. I told him that's not funny and insisted that he cab back home instead.


"Don't worry, you worry too much. I'm always being taken care of. Trust me I'd be back safe and sound. I'll call you when I'm home."


Two hours after that, I received a call but it wasn't from you.


The last time I saw you, you were downstairs lepak-ing with me on Tuesday, just two days ago. We were talking nonsense as usual with Kel and you brought me my favourite ice-cream. Then you told Kel to help you out with something regarding your bike, saying that he can have it because you're gonna switch to something else bigger and better. We all know how much you loved this bike and that you wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world even if it becomes a useless piece of metal. But of course, we didn't think much of that at all.


But two days after that, you were gone and finally realised what you meant.

You going away devastated me beyond more than I ever could have imagined. I saw you with my very own eyes and yet I'm still expecting a call from you asking me to come over and join you playing Guitar Heroes. Now comes the regret of not telling you the things which I've been wanting to say to you in the longest time.


You're the only one who moved me when I refused to budge. You changed my life in more ways than I could've expected. A few years of friendship, and that's enough to last me for a lifetime. I will always remember you in my prayers, Ezal.