I just wish that everyone would fucking stop telling me to stop crying when I have every right to do so.

How would you feel when the only person who calls you when you're out, asking what time you'd be home, and then waits for you at the void deck to make sure that you're safely home and sends you up to your doorstep WON'T be there anymore?

How would you feel when the only person who is willing to be there all the time, no matter how ungodly the hour may be, is no longer there at all?

How would you feel when the only person whom you share every weal and woe with, cannot be with you anymore to share your joy and pain?

How would you feel when the only person whom you can't bear to risk everything that the both of you share by taking a step further than what you already are, just because everything that you have is just so goddman special that you don't want to throw it all away by screwing things up?

He was the only person and now he's gone. And I can't tell him all that anymore because he's gone.

Stop telling me to do the impossible. Stop telling me not to cry. Stop telling me all the cliched things that I don't need to hear.

It's been three days, and I still cry myself to sleep every night and I don't wish to stop any time soon. It's already good enough that I can be out of the house, putting up my usual self in front of all of you to see so that I could save you guys the trouble of raking up your brains thinking of the "right" thing to say, so that I won't have to cry in front of every single one of you and ruin the moment, so that I don't need to share this regret that I have to live with for the rest of my life.