It's just perplexing how our relationship can ocsillate to the extreme ends within one phonecall. One moment I was screaming (almost, almost) at him with him saying the most vexatious and painful things I've ever heard, and the next moment, he was making funny noises with me giggling over the other end of the line. It is ludicrous, this situation we're in, but the fact that my insecurities just had to keep haunting me, is just wearing the both of us out. He can't stand it, neither could I. We both try to make it work by attempting to understand each other but it's definitely easier said than done.
Sometimes all these conflicts just end up hanging on the line without any conclusion because we both know what's going to happen next and that everything will be just fine. That's just it, isn't it? We both know that eventually, whether or not we intend it to be, everything will be okay. Maybe because we both have put in so much into this relationship to just let it go. We've come a long, long way, and been through the shittiest (almost) of shits. It's just absurd to be giving it up after all that. Yes, no matter how much I wanted to just bail out, no matter how much agony all the fights have been causing me, no matter how much he annoys the shit out of me, at the end of the day, it's his arms which I run back into. It's his presence which I yearned for. It's his company which I need.
I know that impossible is impossible but in this case, it's just impossible for me to let go of it all. No, not when gramps keeps asking for him and MakLong being so eager to whip up a meal should he decide to come over the next time. Not when I've finally picked up the courage to talk like a normal person (read: tak gagap) to his mom over the phone. Not when it's only a few more days to the 30th of November.


But as concluded over the phone, we'd start over.

We're friends now.

I'll leave it at that.

Simply said, I love you la, bingai.

****************

Been meeting up the guys to discuss about some matters and it looks like I'd get to perform again :) Maybe this time, the girls might get to come because it doesn't involve any moshpits nor is it gonna be late at night. Hehe, and I'm excited :)))) And it just goes to show I can't stay away from the stage. I've been in the choir, malay dance, played in the guitar ensemble and even performed dikir barat, heh. Tried singing in my brother's band once or twice and switched my roles around in this doofus people's band. Maybe when in the university later, I'll try out acting =D Nyahahaha. That'd be one hell of an experience, ey? Ohwell. It's a good thing stage fright and I are total strangers.
=D Yay yay I get to perform! Hahaha. Sayang-sayangku, kalau korang sudi, tengok aku perform kay? Hehe, ni confirm tudung Hanan tak akan senget nyer *chuckles*

Okay, back to chemistry.

Labels: Kai