She was not broken, neither was she whole. She was a whole but there was some missing parts that completed her soul. This thing in between, she needs to get out of it. She did not want to be neither here nor there. It was suffocating, asphyxiating - cutting her off any supply of air to make her breathe, to make her live. She was stuck in a nightmare that she wanted to be awaken from, but she was also in a dream where she never wanted to be jolted back into reality. This uncertainty was engulfing her from the inside, pulling and drawing her nearer into an abyss of emptiness. Was this what they call, living in denial? She was not sure. In fact, she was never sure of anything. She rubbed her temples and sucked in sharply, clenching her fists till her knuckles turned white.
"I need to do this. For once, I need to do this for myself."

He was once just a stranger, not even close to an acquaintance. She thought he would just be a somebody who would appear and made a mark nothing more significant than just an eye contact that lasted merely for a split second. But this stranger, this beautiful stranger, gazed and bored into her eyes like no one ever could. What right had he to do that? For years, she had been trying, forcing everyone out of her life with every single attempt they make to make her a little more human. Living in solitude had always been comforting, had always been a pleasure. She had no intention on changing any of that. Her best friends were her instruments and her lover was her work. But this stranger, with his mesmerizing look so sinful, crashed and burned all of that.

Pulling her out from the thorns that she had been living with, he let her realise and find out for herself what it was like to be...liberated. She laughed, laughed until her eyes screw shut and her stomach hurt. Her lips had never been curved upwards and laughing was like sticking pins and needles to the eye. This laughter that escaped from her mouth was an experience that was close to a miracle. He watched her smile and her the corners of her eyes crinkle. He had never seen a human being so beautiful and flawless as she. The sound of her giggles - oh yes she giggled - was like the sound of tinkling silver bells of heaven. Her eyes, although almost shut because of her uncontrollable laughter, shone like the rarest of blue sapphires in the sun. He daresay now that, after swearing himself out of love, that he was, indeed, in love again.

No, this was not going to be a typical love story like no other. It was not a love story in the first place just because. There was love, yes, but neither of them were sure of what it was. They did not call themselves lovers, and there were no mandatory exchanges of I-love-you's. He said it but she could not bring herself to say it back. But as much as she had been preventing herself to do, she began depending on him. She clung on to him for her life. He was that branch from a tree which she held on to from being swept away in the currents heading towards a waterfall. She refused to admit that he brought her happiness but he was that candle that lead her the way.

They stared at the sky dotted with diamonds. It was a breathtaking sight but neither of them could appreciate the beauty. There was silence, so still and cold that if anyone was to enter within their radius of hostility could feel the chill even when the night was warm enough to be wandering about in a thin sweater.
"I'm tired of this."
"So there's someone else?"
"You know that's not the case."
"So you're just gonna be like the others. Like how they are."
"No, Steph, I'm not."
"Go. Just go."

She could not explain the sleepless nights that she spent punishing herself. This was just suppose to be a routine, a vicious cycle that she had gotten so used to that she became indifferent and aloof in time. But this, this had actually proved herself to be human. Proof that she had a heart that could still have the ability to yearn for somebody...to actually love somebody. She wrenched her heart out, blaming herself for the current situation she was in. He tried to get back in but all she ever did was to slam the door shut in his face, adding more locks and barriers to keep him out. He never stopped trying, he never will.

The phone rang, interrupting her train of thoughts. She contemplated on answering the phone but the ringing had to stop.
"Hi...remember me?"
"I would if you bring him back to me."

Labels: random shit, word diarrhoea