I don't know how to come up for an introduction for this post just because. I wanted to talk about this particular, specific...something but at the same time, as how my post always ended up, include another, a lot, of random things. But ahwell, I need to get this off my chest first.


Surprisingly, I don't miss having a boyfriend.


Haha, yeah, too soon to say c0s it's been barely a year since it all began so the impact isn't all that hard on me yet. Besides, I've been going out on random dates with a bunch of losers since then (okay, maybe not ALL are losers), possibly on a rebound, so it's not all that bad. But that's just it, isn't it? I know those losers aren't gonna last and I'm perfectly fine with it. It's all in the name of fun, so you may think, and it is. So you may roll your eyes to the sky and say, haha wait till she's old and alone, then she'll feel how bad it is without having a boyfriend.

In all honesty, I really don't mind being old and alone. I'm not scared of spending the rest of my life alone without having anybody to share it with or whatever shoomzy moozy of a bullshit there is. I metioned I'm surprised about not missing having a boyfriend. Yeah, in someway or another, I am, because looking at how I got into another relationship so quickly back then, I'm surprised I'm not at all interested in starting a whole new relationship with another now. As in, seriously I am sumpah not interested AT ALL. I even find going on dates with a guy pretty much...nothing...no matter how insanely good-looking that guy is (according to xueling, of course), no matter how good he is with his words (hoho, Yan), no matter what he did to make me move (i didn't. okay, maybe an inch), no matter how great a length he goes just to have some form of connection with me...nothing.

Maybe, again, it's a once-bitten-twice-shy kinda thing. Guys are all born naturally jerks and they can't help being jerks. It's like coded in their DNA or something and that they can't do anything about it. They'd do anything to get what they want and once they get it...*inserts cricket sounds* So with this perception which was programmed into my brain, I tend to be skeptical of everything they say. I just brush off every guy that comes along because I'm tired of history repeating itself over and over again.

And I'm not regretting it. Not now, maybe not ever.

I don't miss the everyday-must-text-or-call rubbish asking how my day went, or whether or not I have eaten (my future boyfriends will be banned from asking me this question), or whatever questions people ask nowadays I don't know and I don't care. I don't miss anything about going out on special dates or celebrating annivesaries and all those mush. I don't miss having a companion or "someone to lean on to" when I'm faced with such a difficult situation that only the so-called He can "just make everything alright with his presence".

Maybe it's all that when I have someone special but for now, I really don't see the need for anything close to all of that.

I have Xueling for me to call to just randomly go out for ice-cream or anything stupid that we've been doing since we've known each other. I have Kel for me to call up in the middle of the night should there be any nights where I can't sleep and badly need someone to talk to (heck, sometimes he's just in the opposite room so that's even more convenient). I have Aiman to give me the greatest advise that noone can ever give. I have Ezal to take me riding on his bike to make me a happy goober everytime I feel low. I have Apek to scold me like nobody's business each time I thought of something ridiculous to do. I have Nad to go on shopping sprees with me and also to call to cry my heart out. I have Hanan to complain and rant about stuffs, and her to blantantly tell me things which I don't want to hear but need to hear. I have Syida to give me her supportive response in basically about anything I wanna do. I have Huda and Rai to make me laugh till I almost pee in my pants. I have Qhairil to constantly teach me something new about life. I have Zul to have great conversations with and also to answer my endless questions whenever we watch a movie. I have Syafiq to pamper and spoil me, and also be my human punching bag.

I have so many boyfriends in each one of them so why should I settle for just one?

No, I don't need just a someone to tell me that I mean the world to him and tell me that he loves me with all his heart. I have my parents to do just that. And it's lagi mulia coming from them. Besides, each one of them always tell me they love me, so I'm pretty much loved (:

Ahwell.

Maybe it just boils down to one thing:
I still am searching for that closure. The progress of getting over him is almost completed c0s I feel kind of...happy looking at the pictures of him and his not-so-new beau. I know, right, shocking. But I have to admit that pang of, I donno, somethingggg did hit when I saw the first photo. After that, it wasn't as excruciating. In fact, it wasn't even excruciating. I thought the photos were nice even, heh.

So, another rebound date, anyone? Haha.
Astaghfirullah, this person who just asked me out is a very, very, very nice person. Please please please don't let him turn out to be just another Suffian the Loverboboy (haha no prizes for guessing who came up with this nickname). And WHY did I say that it's a rebound date is beyond me.

Oh, and Abang Faisal just got married. Selamat pengantin baru (:

Which reminds me, I'd better not screw my performance up tomorrow yikes! Wish me luck!

Labels: wishful thought, word diarrhoea