Kel can be a very good diary. Not only do I have to spend a lot of time writing and causing blisters on my fingers (i actually enjoy this part of writing manually, actually), this diary can talk back and give kickass advices, which is part of the deal of being a human diary anyway. Hurhur.

I have yet to come up with a definite reason as to why I'm feeling all vulnerable and susceptible to being so affected at the mention of you-know-who. It's annoying c0s I have no idea what I want. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I still care for him, and worse still, I still do love him unconditionally. But at the same time, I don't want him to know any of that and it's not like as though I want him back in my life like how he used to be. I really don't want him around in my life like that.

You tell me what kind of bullshit is that la kan?

Ahwell. It's technically his birthday already right now.

And I've gotten him this...metal Fender guitar pick which I got online cos apparently, it's not available in Singapore. And also a notebook with a pen, well, for obvious reasons, for him to pen his thoughts in because I know he's not the type to open up so easily to anyone about anything that's affecting him in many ways. Even if he does, it's not exactly the whole story. He told me once about how he was writing so furiously till he broke down about this one particular incident which I shall not rake up now. If writing for him helps, then I hope this notebook and pen will.

But I don't have the guts to give these things to him.

Happy twentieth birthday, Kai. I really do wish for all the happiness in the world for you, no matter what form of that happiness may be, because if I manage to know somehow that you are, I will be too (:
I don't know how long am I gonna remain being in love with you because I have this funny feeling that it won't be stopping anytime soon. But if God answered my prayers to let you meet with someone who's gonna make you happy and is every bit worthy of you, then that's what's gonna make me happy too, even if it will hurt in places I never knew existed.
Happy birthday again, and have an awesome one with your loved ones (:

Love with all my heart,
Aishah

Labels: birthday wishes, Kai, wishful thought